How do I find balance?

I have missed you.  I have been gone for far too long...

Remember that last post?  It was about embracing my inner Alice.  About walking through doors, and how I was running through them at full speed.  While the adventure has been glorious, and incredibly fulfilling, I am now home from Wonderland.

That is to say, I have finished writing all ten articles.  Okay, well eight advertorials and two articles, but let's not get picky, shall we?  At any rate, now I'm back to the blogosphere.  Let me catch you up.

Over the past couple of weeks I have: Made schedules, scrapped schedules, bought workbooks, bought other books, checked books out of the library, played games, made up games that worked better than the games I bought, fielded questions about my children's social lives, fielded questions about my children's intelligence, scrapped with my significant other, made up, scrapped with my children, hugged, learned how to knit, taught my daughter how to finger knit, rationalized the viewing of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" as an educational field trip, allowed the screen time rule to slip, proudly watched my children perform in several productions, learned all about George Washington, and failed to check regularly on our moldy bread experiment.

After all of this, the other day my son asked if he could go back to school.

Wait!   Did you hear that?

That was the sound of my heart dropping into my stomach.  Which, incidentally, happened to be the last organ that we studied before our interest in the human body completely decomposed.  When I asked him why, he said that he hates getting punished here when he doesn't do the work.  (i.e. no going outside with friends until "work" is done.)  The children and I often struggle over getting our subjects covered each day.

Here's the thing:  While we have our ups and downs, I am noticing GIANT changes in my son's self-confidence, his ease in interacting with adults and other children (not counting his sister), his stress level, his ability to verbalize emotions, his temper, and even his colon disorder.  Let me also say that I am not the only one noticing the change in behavior.  Every grandparent that has seen him recently has remarked on his great change.

My grandmother, the one who wasn't sure how he would know how to be twelve when he turned twelve, just saw him the other day and said, "He's like a different child."  He sat and spoke with his great-grandparents, asked if help was needed in the kitchen, ate a nice lunch and cleared his dishes.  To put it into perspective, his behaviors at grandma's used to fall into two categories:  sour or hyper.  This time, he was incredibly pleasant.

At home, things are crazy.  The house is a mess.  There's a displaced day bed in our dining room.  The kitchen counter is cluttered, the fridge is crammed, the carpets need sucking, and my daughter's room looks like it was ransacked by a group of very small fashionistas in search of the perfect outfit to go with their manicures.  Between the sparkle nail polish bottles and puffy dresses, I can't even walk through it.  Not to mention that my lovely little girl is becoming more of a handful than her brother.

So here I sit, stuck between my knowledge and my instinct.  Everything about home schooling tells me I need to de-school.  You know, have a period of time where I am not really teaching them any kind of curriculum.  I have read it in magazines and books, and been told by more than one friend that my children need a break to restructure their brains and take a breather.  I understand this concept.  But my other half says, "For how long?"  And it also says, "How will it look if they're not 'keeping up' with their classmates?"  I know I will be held accountable for what they know (or do not know) at the end of the year.

How do I balance these two halves, the side that says "deschool them until they're ready" and the side that says "make sure they're keeping up?"  If you can answer this question for me, I would be eternally grateful.

At this point, I would seriously just be happy with peace in the house. The kids are stir-crazy.  I enrolled Asher in a home school art class starting next Monday, which should help.  And we've decided on a couple of field trips.  It's just that the days seem really long, and I'm not finding many offerings for them between 9am and 3pm.  I really can't wait until co-op starts in January.  I'm sure it will give them another social outlet, as well as give me more direction and support.

I know my kids are learning.  I know this is the right choice for us.  What I don't know is if I can "prove it" to all the keen eyes, concerned family members, and even to myself. I just need to find that perfect balance.