PANDAS, Marbles, Cappuccino and Me

Today has been a strange day, for many reasons.  Let me count the ways...

I woke up with a very painful hand, the softy part of the outside of my left hand.  Throughout the day the pain has been creeping up my arm into me elbow.  No, I didn't do something valiant, heroic, or even cool to injure it.  I leaned on it while holding a book to try and crawl my way over my daughter on to the bed so we could read together.  Yep.  Lame.  But it still hurts.

Second, I kind of felt floaty all day, like I was outside myself but not really.  This could be due to the double earaches, or the fact that I'm subconsciously trying to detach myself from the roller coaster that has been my son lately.

And that gets me to that part.  Two nights ago we discovered the wonders of melatonin.  We gave it to our normally nocturnal twelve-year-old and he was asleep within an hour, slept through the night, and got up before lunch time.  Needless to say, this new routine has been a slight adjustment.

However, it comes at a time when he is having an outbreak of PANDAS symptoms.  He has been highly volatile, experiencing age regression, straining to write (last night it took him a painstaking five minutes to write a six word sentence), and repeating phrases in babytalk.

"I want some ice cream.  I want some ice cream.  I want some ice cream."
"I gotta find my marble.  I gotta find my marble.  I gotta find my marble.  I gotta find..."  You get the picture.

I think I have a few lost marbles, too.

On the way to School of Rock, it was like Rage and Sorrow were embraced and rolling rapidly down a steep grassy hill.  Scream-cry-scream-cry-scream-cry for an hour and a half.  And that wasn't even me.  I spent the drive with one hand on the wheel and the other rubbing my overly-emotional son's neck.  This whole thing has been such a ride.

Oh, sorry... are you confused?

If you don't know us well, you may not know that my son was diagnosed with PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Affected by Strep.)  Essentially, he got strep at some point and it caused his antibodies to swell his brain, and his dopamine doesn't drive right.  See, all this stuff is linked together. New  PANDAS symptoms outbreak caused by the germies that are giving me an earache, earache possibly causing the floaty sensation, melatonin necessary so I can sleep and get healthy, yada yada yada.

And now I'm at a coffee shop while my son is at his first night of Nirvana Rock Camp, where he missed his first half hour because I wrote down the wrong time (which doesn't usually happen in my world).  In addition, I am writing on this blog, which I haven't done in a very very long time... and I am doing this INSTEAD of doing my actual writing WORK (that I get paid for).

"Well," I say, as I sip my honey cappuccino, "Let's just call this warm-up exercises and therapy rolled into one thirty minute session that ran me $3.21 plus tip."

I am learning to embrace our new family motto:  It is what it is.