You'd think with all the working I do, my butt would be off by now.

I'm really not sure how I have manipulated time to squeeze in ten hours of work a week... but I have.  Since registering with eLance, I have been hired for five writing and editing jobs.  Four of them are ongoing or weekly articles!  While I am absolutely thrilled to be doing what I love and making money at it, I can't say that I really had that time to spare to begin with...

Or did I?

What's fascinating about this transition time is that I feel compelled to work harder at EVERYTHING I do, because I don't want to fall behind.  I'm reminded of that common saying, "If you want something done, ask a busy person."  Is it because people who are busy are capable, or people who are capable are busy?  OR, is it just that over-booked people get caught in a crazy propulsion, an inevitable inertia created by caffeine consumption, compulsive schedule-checking, and a frantic idea that there is not enough time.

STOP.  Slow down.  Take a breath.  That's what I have to do.  Have a cup of tea... yesterday morning I read the paper.  Yep, the honest-to-goodness printed with ink on tree-pulp newspaper.  It was really relaxing.  I got out the kids' planners again, because for some reason I really felt I needed to organize things in the concrete world... my brain could not be trusted.    But it's all good.  I let the kids pick out a couple of great workbooks at The Teacher Store today... things they are interested in or need some reinforcement on.  Kayden started learning French today... her choice, on her own.  And she picked out a cursive book because she's been begging to learn it for a while, and I hadn't gotten around to it.

I'm thrilled with the fact that I'm following my dream and adding much-needed income to the family's coffer, and I'm taking this transition into work/mom/education at full speed.  Maybe I should have eased into it... but the world doesn't stop, the laundry doesn't clean itself, the grass doesn't stay in the ground (but the twelve year old son can cut it).  I'm learning that this can change things for the better, let the children have more responsibility, and the husband, too.

Otherwise, one day, I'll look behind me and won't have a butt... as it will have been worked right off.

My Life

Over the last few days, I have relaxed about the money situation.  It kind of goes that way with us... the ups and downs.  It's what makes life interesting, I guess.  I once asked Jason's grandmother, whom had been married to his grandfather for over sixty years, "What's the trick?"

Jason's Grandma with my kiddos.

She answered, "Don't talk about money.  If you have some, great.  If you don't, you'll get some soon enough."

I like that rule.  It's a good rule.  Every time I look at her picture on our refrigerator, I think of these words and thank her.

So, I promise I will no longer panic about money... and instead follow grandma's rule for a happy marriage.    

Often times real wisdom comes not from a book, or a link on the internet, or through the advice of an expert.  It comes from someone who has lived, experienced, loved... and who is close to us.  

I have been told recently by a friend that sometimes we need to break free from all of the "manuals" and self-help books, parenting books and well (or not so well) intended experts and self-proclaimed gurus... and just trust ourselves.  Trust our instincts.  Do what we know feels right, and don't worry about what people out there in virtual world (or reality) think about how we live our lives.  

I have long since given up reading parenting books... I could have saved a lot of time and angst if I had just listened to my folks, who always said, "Babies don't come with instruction manuals."   Apparently, Barnes and Noble didn't get that memo.  Somewhere along the line, I realized that no one else can be an "expert" on  MY children.  (With the exception of experts on specific medical conditions, of course.)

And even if you did try to plan it all out... the plans change.  Life is more like a painting than a map.  It's more like an overture than directions.  There is no one set way of getting from the "start" to the "end," but there are a million ways to enjoy the ride.

It's my life.  My family's life.  No-one else need live with the outcome, no-one else is held accountable at the end of the line.  That thought gives me peace.  It gives me confidence.

And today... for some reason, all our plans got cancelled... and that's okay.  Perhaps we needed a day to relax, to breathe, to work in the yard and do art projects, catch up on chores... to enjoy the music.  I don't need to fill up my days to have a full life.  I don't need to fill up my children's time to make sure they are learning.

Today, in this moment, these thoughts give me peace.

Inspiration

Thank you, man that took ten seconds at the rec center to tell my daughter how fast she is (keeping pace with his seven minute mile).  You may have inspired a runner.

Thank you, lady in the Dollar Store who stopped me to ask if that was my son singing... who then looked at him and said, "You have a song in your heart.  You are amazing, and I'm sure you will make it your career."  You, Dollar Store lady, may have inspired a musician.

Sometimes it's the smallest gesture from a stranger that is incredibly meaningful to a child, even more than the largest overture coming from Mom or Dad.