My daughter is full of ideas. One day she wants to build a "girls only club house." She wants wood and nails and pink paint. She wants windows and carpet and a mail box. She draws up plans. She measures height, width, length. She's ready to rock and roll.
Another day she wants to sew a dress. She draws it out complete with pop-out windows showing small bits of detail like crystal beads or ribbon trim. I tell her we'll have to go to the fabric store to buy the stuff, then we sure can make that dress!
Today, she wanted to build a ballet bar so she could practice at home. She went in the garage and found all the materials she would need, including an old banister that would work perfectly for the bar! She sat down with markers and paper and drew out the plans. She was very prepared!
But we had to make pancakes and clean up the kitchen. Then we had to clean bedrooms and bathrooms and go to theater. Remember the club house? Me, too. I remember the idea of the club house, anyway. How about that red princess dress with crystal details? Hmmmm... nice idea. We never got to the fabric store.
I feel horrible. I have a little girl full of enthusiasm and ideas and creativity, and it seems like the buck always stops at mom and dad. I know that I have lots of excuses: We have a household to take care of. The materials are expensive. We have no place to put it. But my fear is that I am stifling my child's natural drive to create, to build.
Even more frustrating is the thought that I have been teaching her how to quit. How to give up. I've been teaching her that her inventions, creations and ambitions are not important enough to see through to the end.
Arrrgggggg!
Parents, how do we do it all? How can we make that ballet bar and still get the bathrooms clean? How do we build that clubhouse on a budget with limited space? How do we not stifle our children's ambitions and still keep up a household while carrying through with a decent curriculum from our chosen text books and workbooks?
My daughter wants us to drop everything at that moment and see her projects through. I would love nothing more than to do that, because I know that tomorrow she might not be interested in building a club house any more. It's just that sometimes, okay most of the time, it's not realistic for me to drop my day and pick up a hammer and nails. Not to mention that I know almost nothing about building, and so would also have to teach myself first.
Am I too grounded in "reality," or routine? Perhaps I need to learn how to fly by the seat of my pants a little better. The last thing I want to do is give my little girl the impression that her ideas are not important, that she is wasting her time, that she should give up before she gets started, or that she shouldn't see a project through to the end.
I have a pile of plans and designs on my desk, scrawled out carefully in seven-year old print and sparkle gel pens, that makes me sad when I look at it. I don't have the heart to throw the sketches away, but somehow I can't find the time or energy to work on them with her. Not to mention that she's lost the enthusiasm for most of them now- days, weeks, or months after the spark of creativity ignited them.
So, my friends, I call out to you.
What do you do when your child wants to build a full-scale canoe or put on a parade complete with floats and marching bands? How do you teach them that follow-through is important and not end up with a small village of various clubhouses, wigwams, and Medieval castles in your back yard? How do you teach them that their ideas are worthy and still have a sparkling toilet bowl? How do you show them not to give up on their grandest idea and still be able to pay the mortgage?
Ideas are not only welcome, they are strongly suggested.
Melinda, you really are doing so well with this HS stuff!
ReplyDeleteWe have this situation at our house all the time. I feel the same disappointment in myself -
However! Life does not allow for all these grand plans to become reality - I have made some of these grand ideas longer term - like if we still want to build the catapult or grow the bacteria or make a biosphere terrarium or some other inconvenient and costly project ... in several weeks time ... I make a bigger effort to "git 'r done."
your challenge is to validate the plans and their potential for implementation without promising that you will do it and come through for a few of them and you will be golden.
This is a tension in our house, too. Follow through is a very important skill, and one that almost all kids need to learn rather than find innate. That said, not every plan is worth working through to completion.
ReplyDeleteI've found that often just making the plans scratches the itch. If the plan is dear to their heart, the urge will be there the next day, or even the next week. I've many times said that while we can't get to Home Depot/Michaels/wherever today, we can find a day to do that. And, if they persist, we do. However, when unfinished projects start to stack up, follow-up becomes a regular talking point.
The reality of daily living (meals, house cleaning, laundry, etc) are part of homeschooling. We live here together, we work together to make the place livable and suck it up when there are errands to do. These lessons are valuable, too, and the more they pitch in, the more time there is for the "fun" stuff.
You're doing a fine job, Melinda!
I like what Briana said, "...all these grand plans to become reality..." Use reality as your guide, it will spawn creativity also. So you can't afford a few hundred in wood and nails and supplies. Have her re-engineer her plans with materials that you can afford. Such as 4 refrigerator boxes free from your local appliance store, 2 rolls of duct tape and a gallon of paint and brush. what's that going to total, $40? much more affordable, much more doable, temporary which in all honesty is what it's going to be anyway, when its torn up rained on and done, throw it away or find a way to recycle it... Scale it to the size you can do, once you scale it, it won't seem so overwhelming. maybe let go of cleaning the bathroom and bedrooms for today let it go, clean later, enjoy the moment now.. (ok maybe don't let cleaning the bathroom go...) alternatively you could schedule a day that's cleaning day. no curriculum on Thursdays, let's say... home economics Thursdays.. cleaning sewing baking all that good stuff. you could also make a list of "projects" each want to do, have them prioritize them for importance to them, versus time they have available. Time management skills are a HUGE life lesson.. Just a few of my disconnected thoughts on how to 'think outside the box'
ReplyDeleteWow, thanks soooo much for all of your great advice! I am going to keep all of her plans in a binder that we can reference for future projects. I also apreciate the thought that if they really have a desire for something, it will still be burning the next day. Scaling down and working with a budget ARE indeed great life lessons. In the future I will try to turn that into part of the project. Thanks all.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with all the above comments and was also going to suggest you keep a binder of all of these wonderful plans for rainy days, days where you have the time to fit something in, or for a future HS project. This will not only show your daughter that her ideas and plans are important to you, but it will show her how to prioritize her activities so that she can see these "dreams" come true! You are doing a good job!
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