Saturday, October 30, 2010

(((sigh)))

So I know I haven't written in a few days.  To tell you the truth, if this was a completely anonymous blog, I would have been writing up a storm.  But a lot of you people know me, and well, I didn't want to purge all the nasties.

Needless to say, for a couple of days this week I was teetering on the brink.  And the wind was blowing, hard.  And I was holding a kite.  A good one.  NOT a home made one!

Now, after the storm has ended and my kite has flown away, I am able to look back and analyze just what might have been pushing me into the vat of crazies.

First, I felt alone.  My husband has been gone a lot over the last couple weeks.  I don't begrudge him that.  He has been doing something incredibly important to him, and I think he SHOULD have his own time do follow his aspirations.  It's simply a fact. And it's a change.  So not only have I been spending incredibly more time with my children during the day than in the past school years, I was suddenly also alone more in the evenings and weekend.

Okay, so I'm NOT whining.  Normally that would be fine.  But last weekend was slightly nuts and I had to spend Saturday organizing and driving my kids all over town in two different directions by myself.  That really started my brain spinning, I think.

Point made.  Moving on.  Second, my kids have been all over each other, talking like that YouTube Fred guy, being incredibly silly, and I'm not six anymore... so after a while all the silliness creeping into my brain started to make me slightly loopy.  I craved adult conversation, maybe just a few moments of silence, words spoken an octave lower.  I wasn't thinking straight and didn't have a plan for relaxation, for defragmentation, for grounding myself.

Third, my children are spoiled, and I am trying to "unspoil" them.  Especially my little princess.  She whines.  A lot.  I never really realized it before, but if she doesn't get something she wants she doesn't let up.  She cries, she begs, she bargains until it makes you want to take a long walk off a short bridge.  My son, on the other hand, doesn't really whine or beg or any of that.  But he likes to tell me "no."  Seriously?  When I was a kid I'd have "no" slapped right off my face!  (Disclaimer:  My children are actually very sweet.  I just felt at the time like every little thing was exacerbated to the point of crime.)

So to recap, I'm feeling alone and unsupported.  My kids are silly and uncooperative.  They are disrespectful and unmotivated.  I am not getting backup when dad gets home for various reasons ( which I won't go into, because he's made an incredible positive change (perhaps a revelation) and I love him dearly). I don't have free time, quiet time, time to pursue my goals, time to exercise or talk to other adults.  I'm feeling like my kids are learning nothing and they won't learn anything if they won't listen to me.  At this point, I'm about ready to enroll them back in school... against my rational instincts.

And then, like a light in the bottom of the crevasse, another home schooling friend helped me find my footing and step back.  She told me to breathe.  She talked about letting go of the planners and hard-set curriculum.  She said to follow my children's path and help them learn what they want to learn.  (((sigh)))

I've heard this before, but I couldn't let go of the attempt to keep my children up with their schooling counterparts.  And I know better.  In a documentary about the brain that I watched with the kids, scientists proclaim that it's not so important WHAT you learn as a child, but that you learn alot of different things and have deep learning experiences. 

Why?  Because as you move through life, the new things you learn will then have something to connect back to neurologically.  So it doesn't matter if the rest of fifth grade is learning about the periodic table of the elements, and my son is learning how to create his own iPhone app.  These bits of information are creating a springboard for future knowledge.

So armed with this new outlook, I went with my friend to a curriculum meeting for a home school co-op that my children are incredibly excited to start next semester!  They will have friends on Fridays!  They will have people teaching them subjects that they are knowledgeable and passionate about.  I will have a group of parents to talk to, a network of support that I believe is necessary for the success on our homeschooling journey.  (((sigh)))

Combine this outlook with my husband's commitment to "have my back" at all times, I can just do that again... (((sigh)))

Sighing is good, it makes you breathe deeply.

So yesterday I was standing on more solid ground.  We had a busy day, but it was really nice.  We watched a couple of YouTube movies about The Day of The Dead, which we knew we would be celebrating at church last night.  We also read a great online article and checked out a few books from the library.  Cady found a really good Day of The Dead sugar-skull face makeup tutorial, which she watched twice.  The second time through she got out colored pencils and paper so she could create her own face, following the artist's instruction.

My son decided to research how the iPhone was made.  Along the way he discovered something called AppIncubator, a free download that allows you to design your own iPod Touch or iPhone app and submit it for potential publication.  He spent a half hour watching the tutorial and probably an hour writing his incredibly creative, multilevel app called Mr. Man.  They were totally engaged in their chosen learning activities. 

Later that night, at our Church's Friday night service, Cady got to stand up in front and tell the people there what she knew about "The Day of the Dead" and the traditional sugar skull making.  She did such a nice job that the Director of Religious Ed asked if she would come back again Sunday and share with the other service.  She said she would.  They made sugar skulls that night, really solidifying all the cool stuff we learned that day.

All I can say is... (((sigh)))

4 comments:

  1. Kara,

    I really enjoy your posts. I home school my 6 year old daughter in Brooklyn and another mom turned me on to your blog. I just wanted to say I feel the SAME WAY about so many things. The fear that she's not keeping up, the worry that she's missing out on something. She's our only child so playing with other kids requires more work. She whines for what she wants, bargains relentlessly. (Working on that. ) And I rarely feel adequate as a teacher.

    So we recently visited the local school just to make sure that it wouldn't be better for her. Man, did I feel better after that. She's NEVER been in school before, so we haven't had this experience. It just so happens that our district has a school that is considered 'the best' but it is ridiculously overcrowded! And she already knew everything they were aiming to have taught by the end of the year! Even though every week I think, "We are having too much down time, I've been too busy to focus on her schooling" etc.

    So bravo! I won't post a huge comment like this anymore, just wanted to say hi! I look forward to reading more of your posts. I'm inspired. ♥

    Jen

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  2. Here as support and light anytime my friend! So glad you will be joining us on Fridays!

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  3. Jen, I love the long responses! Thanks for joining me on this journey. I know exactly what you mean about "visiting the school" and then realizing you made the right choice. I quickly forget all the stressors I had when my kids were in school... which amount to far more and far worse for my children than what we have now. These stressors are at least our own! Good luck working on the "whining." I think it's a 6-7 yr old girl developmental phase! I hope! I did read a fairly good, quick book called "How to Unspoil Your Children." It had some good tips! I find that if I occasionally "whine" in response to her, she understands how ridiculous it sounds! Then we laugh and move on! I wish you the best of luck!
    @Michelle, thanks for shining the light!

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  4. Fiona's awfully whiny too, so I can relate. We have a lot of talks about 'when mama says no, it means no'. She's been told if she keeps pushing for something after I (or papa) say no that she will get a punishment (no TV, no computer). When she starts pushing I remind her of our conversation and the consequences and 9 times out of 10 she stops. It's been very helpful.

    I'm glad you found a group to work with. It sounds like a wonderful support system.

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