Embracing the Reed

Yesterday I wrote a very long blog post essentially detailing everything my children did without an agenda, without a list, and without meltdowns during the course of a wonderful day.  This morning, I changed my mind (did not publish it) and wrote this instead... because that's the point, isn't it?  The reed who bends with the wind is stronger in the end, than the mighty oak whose roots are torn up in all it's strength because it is not able to change.

This morning I woke to heavy snow blowing around my back yard, white and Wintery as it has not been so much this year.  A thousand thoughts ran through my head... from "we may not make it to classes today" to "it's cold in here" to "Kk's going to want to play outside in her snow pants."  By the time my cup of Sumatran finished steeping in the French press, the sun was shining brilliantly and the mercury in our back window thermometer was rising.  Go figure.

One thing that every native Michigander has ingrained in their brain is... always dress in layers.  You never know what Mother Nature is going to wrap around her little flock at any given moment. If you're only wearing a sweatshirt, with no undershirt beneath, you might be sweating by noon. I'm learning now that we always need to be prepared for life in the same way.  [Wear your underclothes at all times.  You never know when you'll have to strip down to your skivvies.]

So, yesterday we had a wonderful visit with some new unschooling friends... who, by the way, have really wonderful and intelligent teenagers and a nine year old.  (Yes, children of different ages can and do have a great time together.)  During my conversation with my new friend and her sixteen year old son, I had an epiphany that has brought me much calm...  by providing a nurturing environment and being attuned to our children's passions, they will learn to have a wonderful and happy life doing what they love.  Isn't that what we want for our kids?

I was a very well-rounded youth,  incredibly competitive and ambitious.  Voted "Most Likely to Succeed" by my senior class, I now wonder, "By what measure of success?"  I went to college on scholarship straight out of high school.  I transferred schools three times and changed my major twice.  I settled on English with a Business minor so that I could be incredibly "marketable."  What?  Again, I say, "WHAT?"  I was a PRODUCT of my education.  And I have spend my life wondering what my passion truly was.... "Jack of all trades, master of none."  That was me... floundering in a sea of possibility, only looking at what I could do that would "utilize" my degree.

This is NOT the kind of success I want to instill in my children.  I want them to be happy, content, and at peace in their lives.  I don't care if they make a million dollars a year, or even $100,000 salary with a smart corner office with a window... unless that's what THEY want.  Instead, it's my job to instill in them a better meaning of success.  And the only way I can do that... is if I am the reed.

I need to let them explore what they love, helping them find the tools they need to prosper in that passion.  My dad always said, "If you love your job, you will never work a day in your life."  By forcing them in to a stressful schedule and an arbitrary curriculum, I feel I am undermining that very goal.  Their education should not be a process that produces a product that some employer wants to "purchase."  It should be a means to living a wonderful, happy life.  And in the meantime, I want my family to live that wonderful life, too.

My husband and I have recently dipped our toes back into the coffee business.  Our children are excited and want to be involved... but I'm not sure if the most important lesson they will learn from this is where Guatemala is on the map or the germination time line for a coffee seed.  I think the very MOST important thing our kids will learn is that pursuing your passion will make you feel fulfilled (success!)... and that the way to do that is to educate yourself.  They see us reading books about how to build our business, looking up web sites about coffee origins, planning out our marketing strategy, testing our product on a target market.  By the time we open our doors, our children will understand that we accomplished all of that through educating ourselves.  They will know, without a doubt, that they should never "settle" for being a "marketable product."

So, what I intended to be a very short post about being flexible (and really embracing an UNschooling philosophy), and how that s going to help keep peace in our household, turned into a diatribe espousing the virtues of following our passions, versus working toward a job.  Ah, well... I guess I am the reed.

But here's a last thought... the oak tree, the one that can't change in the wind... he can't help it right?  His steadfastness is ingrained in his very molecular structure... Hmmm...  I don't think I'll extrapolate on that metaphor at this very moment.  Another post altogether.